Friday, December 27, 2019

Psychic Cat Predictions for 2020!

As the decade nears its conclusion, The Whisker Times recently met with The Amazing Pendragon for an exclusive interview to discuss his predictions for the upcoming new year. Pendragon, a renowned cat psychic and mystical seer, offered the following shocking insights into 2020:

• Peace talks between cats and vacuum cleaners will disintegrate into outright chaos when a dust buster unexpectedly enters the household scene in April. Despite promising peace dialogues earlier in August (as reported by The Whisker Times), negotiations will deteriorate as the new dust buster causes unexpected, handheld horror for cats in the house.

• An aloof and independent cat in the U.S. state of Kentucky will genuinely surprise his caregivers in October by not only welcoming their affection but will also knead dough and make biscuits while doing so. This unexpected display of reciprocal love will last 45 seconds and be immediately followed by biting and rabbit kicking.

• Scientists in Europe will develop a device in June that will incredibly allow cats to speak with human speech. After spending 45 million euros on the project, the first words from the cat will be as follows: “I want to stare blankly at the wall for the next two hours.”

The Whisker Times cat newspaper will become the most trusted source of news on the planet Mars when cat astronauts (catstronauts) successfully colonize the red planet thanks to faithful readers like you purchasing an official The Whisker Times sticker on eBay at the link here. Readers are pleased that the stickers cost less than $3 each and are shipped free. Catstronaunts rename the planet MeowMars.

Friday, December 20, 2019

Cat Pretends to Be a Stray to Get Fed More Often

BIG TIMBER, Montana - Slipping out an open bedroom window of his spacious home in Montana, one cat believes he has it all figured out. "All I have to do is walk around the neighborhood and humans feed me everywhere I go," boasted Apricot - a portly orange and white tabby. Despite already having a forever home with everything he could ever want - a loving family, toys, and plenty of food - Apricot confessed he visits the surrounding houses posing as a community cat to eat up to three additional meals a day. "What these people don't know won't hurt them," he reasoned. When reached for comment, the entire neighborhood knew full well about Apricot's scheme but just didn't have the heart to tell him.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Whisker Wednesday: Mr. Jakester

Mr. Jakester wishes you a blissful Whisker Wednesday as he watches Alabama football on the television.

Thanks to loyal reader Jeffery for sharing his rescue baby with us.

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Just Launched: The Whisker Times Sticker!

Just when you thought your car, laptop, or litter box couldn't possibly get any cooler - The Whisker Times sticker is here!

Tell the entire world - nay, the entire SOLAR SYSTEM - that you trust and depend on The Whisker Times to bring you cat news.

It's 3 inches by 3 inches of durable vinyl that you and your cat will appreciate. Resistant to scratches(meow), water (hiss), and sunlight (ahh)!

Click here to visit the eBay listing for The Whisker Times sticker!

Friday, December 13, 2019

Cat Has Worn Same Four Socks for 11 Years

POPLAR BLUFF, Missouri - Some fashion trends may never go out of style, but one cat is testing that belief as he has personally worn the same four white socks for over a decade. "It feels like I was born wearing these socks and I don't see any reason to take them off now," explained Mittens. Despite his continued wear of the socks, they appear to perpetually be in immaculately white condition. "Quite frankly, this house can be downright filthy and I'm not walking around without some kind of barrier between my feet and this nasty floor," he continued. He is considering asking his caregiver for four small shoes to complete his look.