Cat Looking Forward to Destroying Christmas Tree Again This Year

MUNCIE, Indiana - A mysterious arbor-like presence has once again returned to the living room - as foretold by ancient feline prophecy - and one cat in Indiana is hell-bent on destroying it. According to local cat Gabriel, the decorated tree enigma can only be defeated by following strict instructions. "Swat at the shiny orbs, chew the illuminated vines, and then climb into the belly of the beast itself," Gabriel declared bravely from inside a stocking. Stories of brave cat warriors actually toppling the trees have been rumored for years, but they always seem to return during the winter solstice. "Whatever happens, it will be back again next year," admitted Gabriel, "And I'll be waiting when it does."